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Communication
Relationships
Think about it…………….
“Be a good listener. Your ears will
never get you in trouble”.
~ Frank Tyger
 Thoughts: Agree or Disagree
 Question: If your ears won’t get you in trouble,
what will? Why?
Communication:
 The process of creating and sending messages
and of receiving and evaluation messages form
others
 Communication either helps a relationship
GROW or DIMINISH.
 Verbal communication: spoken words
 Non-verbal communication: without words, facial
expressions, gestures, posture, etc.
Verbal Communication
 One fourth of a person’s day is spent VERBALLY
Communicating.
 Throughout out the day, a person will send 100 to
300 messages—hoping that the message is
decoded similar to the way it was encoded.
 On average, a teen’s vocabulary is made up of
as 10,000-12,000 words and 20,000-25,000 for a
college graduate.
Verbal Communication
 Many people FEAR verbal communication.
 Glossophobia is fear of public speaking. It is
believed to be the single most common phobia,
affecting as much as 75% of all people.
 When ranked among fears, it generally is the
number one fear, surpassing even the fear of
death.
 What makes speaking in front of people so
scary?
Styles of Communication
 People can verbally communicate using
different styles. There are four basic styles
typically used in conversations. The styles are
• Passive
• Aggressive
• Passive Aggressive
• Assertive
Passive Communication
 Passive Communication is a style in which
individuals communicate:
 avoiding expressing opinions or feelings
 not responding
 allowing grievances and annoyances to build
 having an outburst when they reach limit
More Passive
 Passive communicators will often:
 fail to assert for themselves
 allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on rights
 fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions
 tend to speak softly or apologetically
 exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture
 The impact of a pattern of passive communication leaves one
to feel anxious, depressed, resentful, confused
Passive Thoughts
 A passive communicator will say, believe, or
behave like:
“I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”
“I don’t know what my rights are.”
“I get stepped on by everyone.”
“I’m weak and unable to take care of
myself.”
 “People never consider my feelings.”
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Aggressive Communication
 AGGRESSIVE is a style in which individuals
communicate:
 Abruptly expressing their opinions and needs even
if it violates others
 Presenting that their needs are more important
than anyone else’s needs
 Using verbal abusive to intimidate or ensure they
get their way
More Aggressive
 Aggressive communicators will often:
 try to dominate others
 use humiliation to control others
 criticize, blame, or attack others
 be very impulsive
 have low frustration tolerance
 speak loud, demanding, and overbearing
 act threateningly and rudely
 not listen well
 interrupt frequently
 use “you” statements
Aggressive Communication
 The impact of a pattern of aggressive
communication is that these individuals:
 become alienated from others
 alienate others
 generate fear and hatred in others
 always blame others instead of owning their
issues, and thus are unable to mature
Impact of Aggressive
 The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or
behave like:
 “I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.”
 “I’m loud, bossy and pushy.”
 “I can dominate and intimidate you.”
 “I can violate your rights.”
 “I’ll get my way no matter what.”
 “You’re not worth anything.”
 “It’s all your fault.”
 “I react instantly.”
 “I’m entitled.”
 “You owe me.”
 “I own you.”
Passive Aggressive
 PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style
in which individuals communicate:
 Both aggressive and passive communication
 Passively that they do not express themselves
when not in agreement
 Aggressively that they then go behind the other
person’s back and say mean things or even do
mean things out of anger.
 Pretend it is “fine” but later actions show not
More on Passive Aggressive
 Passive-Aggressive communicators will often:
 mutter to themselves rather than confront
 have difficulty acknowledging their anger
 use facial expressions that don't match how they feel
 use sarcasm
 deny there is a problem
 appear cooperative
 use subtle sabotage to get even
More Passive Aggressive
 The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive
communication is that these individuals:
 become alienated from those around them
 remain stuck in a position of powerlessness
 discharge resentment while real issues are
never addressed so they can't mature
 The passive-aggressive communicator will say,
believe, or behave like:
 I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate,
and disrupt.”
 I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must
use guerilla warfare.”
 I will appear cooperative but I’m not.”
Assertive Communication
 ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which
individuals communicate:
 Clearly by stating their opinions and feelings
 Firmly advocate for their rights and needs
 Do not violate the rights of others
Assertive
 Assertive communicators will:
 state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and
respectfully
 express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
 use “I” statements
 communicate respect for others
 listen well without interrupting
 feel in control of self and stand up for their rights
 have good eye contact
 speak in a calm and clear tone of voice
 have a relaxed body posture
 feel connected to others, component and in control
Assertive
 The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that
these individuals:
 feel connected to others
 feel in control of their lives
 are able to mature because they address issues and
problems as they arise
 create a respectful environment for others to grow and
mature
Assertive
 The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in
a way that says:
 “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully
to one another.”
 I am confident about who I am.”
 “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my
options.”
 “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”
 “I can’t control others but I can control myself.”
 “I place a high priority on having my rights respected.”
 “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful
manner.”
 “I respect the rights of others.”
 “I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.”
Questions to Answer:
 What communication style do you use?
 Is there more than one style of communication
you use?
 What style of communication does your family
mainly use?
 Situation: Your friend asks you to go to a movie
you do not want to see. Choose two styles and
respond.
Non Verbal Communication
 Why is non verbal so important?
 It often times make communication stronger
because it does the following:
 It reinforces a verbal message
 It can replace a verbal message
 It can contradict the verbal message
 Think about the three statements above. Give
examples of HOW it does all of the above
Non Verbal Communication
 Non verbal communication takes on many forms.
 What are ways people non verbally
communicate?
 Facial Expression—show if you are interested
and understand, show emotions
 Eye Contact—invites interaction, signals turn
taking in conversations
 Paralinguistic—vocal qualities such as pitch,
tone, rate, and fluency impact a
conversation.
Say the following
 Accentuate the BOLDFACE word in each
sentence. How does the meaning change?
 I didn’t say she stole money
 I didn’t say she stole money.
 I didn’t say she stole money.
 I didn’t say she stole money.
 I didn’t say she stole money.
 I didn’t say she stole money.
More Non Verbal
 Body Gestures and Body Movements—the way
you move your body—crossing arms, fidgeting
 Touching---comforts a person during a difficult
time or confirms your support
 Physical Environment—how does the
environment impact your conversation
 Appearance—the way you dress or someone
else is dressed
 Silence—can be used as positive or negative
More Non verbal
 Personal Space and Distance—the space we
create around ourselves to feel comfortable
 Intimate Space—allow closeness, skin contact
out to about 18 inches—friends, partners
 Personal Distance—18 inches to 4 feet—
friendly conversation or heated argument
 Social Distance—4 fee to 12 feet—social
interactions that are impersonal
 Public Distance—12 feet and beyond—talking
in front of strangers
Cultural Differences
 Non verbal cues mean different things in different
cultures.
 For example, Americans do not always value
silence. It is looked at as negative.
 Many Asian Cultures view silence as a sign of
wisdom.
 What did you find out about different gestures
during your search in other cultures?
Technology
 More than thirty million emails are exchanged on
a daily basis in North America.
 People use technology as a form of
communication.
 What are benefits of communicating with
technology?
 What are some negative aspects of using
technology as communication?
Gender Differences
 Do men and women communicate differently?
 Experts do say that men and women approach
communication differently. Examples of
differences include:
 Men’s language is often factual and action driven
 Women’s language is emotional and evaluative
 Men often talk in conversations rather than listen
 Women often listen and share feelings
 Men speak in monotone voices
 Women use a variety of tones and voices
 What differences do you notice?